Anger Management among Couples
Rohit and Rani were newly wed happy couples. They shared most of their time together and life was going well. They had good relations with their family and relatives. Rohit was very active in social work and was an extrovert. He was not able to accept certain things that were against his ethics such as bribe, crossing the rules, corruption, etc. Rani was also very proud of his qualities. Rohit used to yell, scream, and shout wherever he finds the wrong things. His aggressive nature and impulsive thoughts worried Rani.
Every time Rohit had a fight with people Rani used to question him and used to question him for his behavior. Rohit used to defend that he gets angry and he can’t resist the temper at that moment. Later this became the main topic for them to talk and usually the argument leads to fighting. Rani’s nature of questioning him became a nagging topic for Rohit. He had no answer sometimes and his only defending tool was shouting. In this turmoil they were not able to focus on the other aspects of enjoyment.
Sometimes Relationship starts worsening just based on one quality or character of a person. Though Rani was quite happy with Rohit his anger made her unhappy. Rohit was happy with his life but was unhappy while Rani questions about his anger. This became like a deadlock. Their interaction, communication, trips, sexual life, party … everything slowly melted down. They were living like two strangers under the same roof. Family and friends were clueless and helpless in this scenario.
In this situation it needs to be analyzed with respect to men and women psychology. Emotional turbulence is quite natural in any relationship. But the way it is dealt plays a major role to have peace and harmony in life. The acceptance level needs to be raised. “How” do we raise this acceptance level?
A partner needs to appreciate the good qualities of the other partner and acknowledge the positive qualities which will strengthen the relationship. The weakness of each partner needs to be validated and acknowledged. When the feelings are validated it reduces the intensity of anger.
The strong relationship will motivate the partner to work on the weakness rather than denying or ignoring. Similarly, rather than complaining or provoking, appropriate steps need to be taken to meet a counselor to work on anger management or behavior modification.
A counselor will be able to identify whether it is childhood turmoil or learned behavior from a parent/family member. What are the factors which have reinforced such behavior? What is the belief system? How can it be replaced by the right belief?
The last few questions are left for the reader to act upon. Introspection of such questions will help to deal the anger in a better way.
Anger is an emotion that can be channelized in a positive way.